Inspired by reading my book The Power of Compassion, a New York Times editor commissioned an op ed piece from me for the international  edition of the New York Times. The trigger was the recent release of the so-called Lockerbie bomber. The editor asked me, how can we move on from rage in any part of our lives? The piece appeared in 30 countries, in numerous translations, on the weekend of August 28, 2009.)

LEAVING HATE BEHIND

The modern world has given us a lot to cope with, but who really has the skills? 

     

The recent whirlwind of emotions caused by Scotland’s release of the Lockerbie bomber has illuminated a universal psychological problem.

     

How do we move on from grief and rage?

     

Loss is inevitable in life. But when the platform is huge -- a terrorist bombing like 9-11, deep financial betrayal like Bernie Madoff’s, the breakdown of social justice as in Iraq or Rwanda or just a really nasty divorce -- the rage and resentment left behind is often more cancerous than the event.

    

Is there a way to recover from extreme trauma that allows us to let go of the pain and reboot our lives? Many of the stories I collected for a book titled Buddhist Acts of Compassion point to a radical shift in perspective that could transform the way we deal with such issues, not to mention inspire profound social change.

    

A slogan in Buddhism speaks directly to these moments: “Just like me.” Just like me, others suffer. Just like me, others desire the foundation for happiness.

    

Of course, it is excruciatingly difficult for a grieving mother to see any resemblance between herself and her child’s murderer. But the exiled Dalai Lama, himself a victim of persecution, made no such distinctions when visiting Auschwitz for the first time.    

     

Speechless at the piles of tattered shoes left behind by the camp’s victims, he wrote: “I stopped and prayed — moved profoundly both for the victims and for the perpetrators of this calamity. And, in the knowledge that, just as we all have the capacity to act selflessly out of concern for others’ well-being, so do we all have the potential to be murderers and torturers, I vowed to do all I could to ensure that nothing like this happened again.”    

     

Approximating such saint-like sentiment may feel completely out of our reach, but the teachings of Buddhism say that it isn’t. That’s because when we drop our personal sense of self — the one that says “I’m right, you’re wrong, go to hell” — what naturally arises in its place is a wide open heart that excludes no one, not even one’s persecutor. Buddhists say this heart is our true nature, not the one that is forever segregating or seeking “Kill Bill”-style revenge.

     

To discover that state of mind, most people have to start small. A beginner’s prayer in Buddhism encourages you to wish happiness for all beings, not just the ones you approve of. If that feels impossible, simply start by extending good will to yourself. An age-old Buddhist chant goes: “May I be happy. May I be at peace. May I be free from suffering.” Eventually you extend that wish to those you care about, those you don’t know, and finally those you can’t stand.

    

Imagine centuries-old bitter rivals doing this and stopping the cycle o revenge.

    

When suffering seems too deep to bear, Buddhism suggests dedicating your pain so that all those hurting in the same way might be relieved. It’s a form of meditation that has profoundly helped a friend of mine navigate through AIDS. And it’s one that could help victims of terrorism discover a common bond that is healing.

     

If you’re thinking this approach is just mind games, think again. These are the very practices that have allowed Tibetan Buddhist nuns and monks to withstand years of unimaginable torture and survive with more than their sanity intact. Especially for those in exile, these meditations have helped them forge new lives — with clarity, compassion and little or no

rancor.

      

Outer wars start from within, the Buddha taught. And as Lama Zopa Rinpoche, a well-known Tibetan meditation master, once said: “As long as you do not change your mind, there will always be an enemy to harm you.”

--Pamela Bloom

 

(C) 2012. Pamela Bloom. All rights reserved.